another beginning

life is full of change, and for someone like me who resists that change, life can be very unnerving. however i have learned, in the last 18 months that nothing is permanent, even the things that you're certain, are. all i can say today, is something sister taught me:

everything happens for a reason

i find everyday more and more reasons for this 'everything' that is happening, this thing called life; right now i am sure that i am being led in the right direction, regardless of the sadness in my wake. looking forward i see a light, and it makes me happy, which is something i was doubtful that i would ever feel again.

life isn't perfect, but it is as good as it can be

happiness

finally, i feel like moving forward

finally, i feel like my life is mine

finally, i feel happiness, again

since you have been gone, I've questioned everything

since you have given me this gift, I've come to understand

since you have shown me that face, I've felt blessed

my new life can't replace you

my new life can't erase you

my new life can't be you

but it will forever remind me of you

it will forever remind me to be true

and it will forever remind me what to value

so thank you

time for change

i feel lost

i feel useless here

i feel like there is nothing left for me to accomplish in this place

its time to live my own life

its time to make my own choices

its time to be alive

im looking for motivation

im looking for happiness

im looking for meaning

i want stability in myself

i want love in my heart

i want peace in my soul

free from pain

i try as hard as i can every day to be my old positive self, but its really hard when my mind feels like an episode of hoarders... with no idea where to start clearing the clutter

Lost

When you experience loss, it changes who you are; it changes what you think about the world and about yourself. You begin to reexamine every choice you have ever made, wondering which ones were mistakes, while fearing they all were.

For someone who didn't believe in regret before last year, i suddenly have more of them then i can count. The choices i thought to be the right ones for the life i thought i was going to live, all of the sudden are completely wrong. 

Right now, I wish I had taken a different path, one that was my own, rather than the one that ran parallel to someone else's. 

I have been told that one day I will get my head straight. I hope that to be true, otherwise, I do not know how long I will make it before I drive myself insane...

The problem is every time I ask a question, the answer leads to more questions, and even more often answers that leave me in the same place. But whether it be more questions or the sad, sad answers, it always turns out, that I created the problem for myself... it's a dangerously fast merry-go-round; which is ironic because there is nothing merry about going round and round.

a beautifully twisted soul

I'd like to say that I have immense hope for my future; that I will one day find a new normal, but that normal will be the most miserable normal I could ever imagine.

Rollercoaster of Life

this is a repost, but just to get me started

Rollercoaster of life

Love is the ups

Heartbreak is the downs

Loss is the loops

Recovery is the rounds
Tears are the twists

Trust is the turns

Happiness is the high

Loneliness is the low

The track is our path

The car is our soul

When it's over you have nothing... except the urge to do it all again

i dont know what im doing

i have a lot of thoughts... and i have been told to put them out there... so here i am... but, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.

I'm just here, writing... i don't think i will write about the same things every time, rather that what is going on int he world... so if you care about my opinions as much as i do, then here you go (MOM ;)